


oneirataxia

by ryles (frobne)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Complete, Fluff and Angst, Graphic Description, Heavy Angst, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:55:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 8,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25162735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frobne/pseuds/ryles
Summary: Tsukishima Kei feels intensely. Spiders crawl around in his chest when his vision tunnels and the room begins to spin. Magma burns hot on his knuckles when Yamaguchi's fingers brush against them ever so lightly.But Tsukishima Kei doesn't know what he feels when his whole world is tipped upside down and all of his illusions are shattered. All he does know is that Yamaguchi is a part of it, and if Tsukishima isn't careful- he might cut himself on the shards.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 13
Kudos: 74





	1. creeping cold & inescapable warmth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oneirataxia; (n) the inability to distinguish between reality and fantasy

Tsukishima had never been fond of winter. The way the cold would creep past his many layers, burrowing itself under his skin and settling deep within his bones. It would make his head ache and his eyes burn as he shoved his hands deeper into his pockets, his fingers numbingly trying to grasp at some form of warmth.

But every winter morning, Tsukishima would walk down an empty street and feel a steady heat radiating from his chest as his eyes searched for the familiar curls of his best friend. Yamaguchi’s green eyes crinkle at their corners and he grins widely, waving excitedly as Tsukishima walks down the hill towards him.

“Here you go, Tsukki!” He’ll say, shoving a warm drink into Tsukishima’s hand. “It’s your favorite - espresso.” Yamaguchi smiles proudly.

“Ah, thank you.”

Tsukishima doesn’t like to smile outright but the corners of his mouth will twitch upwards. He doesn’t have the heart to tell Tadashi this but... Tsukishima hates coffee. He’s always preferred tea, but seeing his best friend so happy made Tsukishima feel a certain way. It’s something that he can’t describe with words but he knew that he liked it.

“Ready for morning practice?” Yamaguchi will ask, taking periodic sips from his own drink while scrolling through his phone.

Tsukishima will shrug absentmindedly and begin his complaints about Kageyama and Hinata, his witty insults earning a few chuckles from Tadashi. His heart will soar with pride as Yamaguchi’s laugh worms its way into his head, making itself at home in his brain. 

That was their morning routine, every winter day. And Tsukishima didn’t want it to change.

\--------------

The final bell rang and the once empty hallways flooded quickly with students leaving their classes. Tsukishima found Yamaguchi in the hall and they walked out of the building together, Yamaguchi chattering on about anything and nothing at all while Tsukishima listened quietly.

It didn’t take long to reach the gym where Kageyama and Hinata were already practicing. Tsukishima rolled his eyes upon opening the door, the freak duo’s shouts echoing throughout the gymnasium and spilling onto the snow covered ground.

"Can the two of you keep your stupidity to yourselves? Why should the rest of us suffer with all your bickering?”

Kageyama and Hinata shut up for just a moment to glare at him before resuming their argument. “It was finally quiet for a few precious seconds.” Tsukishima muttered under his breath so only Tadashi could hear him. Yamaguchi laughed as the two walked over to an empty corner to stretch on their own.

It wasn’t long before Hinata bounced over to Tsukishima during their short water break. He bumped a volleyball on his forearms as he waited for Tsukishima to set his water bottle down.

“Okay, what do you want?” Tsukishima asked irritably. “And stop bouncing that thing in my face,” he reached out and caught the ball, holding it above Hinata’s head teasingly. He looked around for Tadashi, expecting to hear his laugh but he was nowhere to be seen.

“Hey!” Hinata pouted for a moment, crossing his arms. “Why are you so _mean_?!” He shouted before jumping around erratically, attempting to rescue his ball from Tsukishima’s grip.

“Aw c’mon Hinata, I know you can jump higher than that!” Tsukishima teased gleefully. “And I _know_ that wasn’t the question you were going to ask earlier.”

Tsukishima let Hinata bounce around a little longer before dropping the ball on his head. Daichi called to them from across the gym and Hinata glared at his retreating back as Tsukishima jogged away laughing. Yamaguchi appeared next to him as they sat in a circle and listened to Coach Ukai discuss their next practice match.

“Where did you go?” Tsukishima leaned over and whispered to him.

“I went outside for a second.”

“Oh.” He shrugged and drew his legs up to his chest, wrapping his long arms around them. “You missed me teasing Hinata.”

Yamaguchi smiled. “Aw darn,” He lightly smacked Tsukishima’s shoulder. “It’s not like I don’t get to see you do that every single day.”

Tsukishima shook his head as his mouth twitched; another _almost_ smile caused by Yamaguchi.

“Tsukishima.”

His head snapped up and he felt a wave of embarrassment roll over him as everybody stared.

“Do you have something you’d like to share with the rest of the team?”

Tsukishima swallowed. “Ah… no.”

Ukai nodded approvingly and continued on for about another five minutes. Tsukishima did his best to pay attention but it was virtually impossible; all he could focus on was how close Yamaguchi was, his quiet breaths that made his cream colored sweatshirt rise and fall gently, the way his hair smelled like strawberries whenever he moved his head. It all felt so intimate, it made Tsukishima’s palms sweat.

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi’s quiet voice brought him out of his daydream. “Practice is over.”

Tsukishima shook his head, attempting to clear any impure thoughts of Yamaguchi from his mind and stood as they walked to the clubroom together, trailing just behind everyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, red here.
> 
> i hope you all enjoyed the first chapter of my first published fic. i have no idea how many chapters this will end up being but i do intend to finish it. i'll try to update it regularly so don't worry too much about that. if you have any suggestions, feedback, or general compliments, feel free to comment. 
> 
> with love,  
> red.


	2. i worship you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apricate; (v) to bask in the sun

Tsukishima sat cross legged on his bed, a book resting on his lap, forgotten as he observed the way the sunbeams fell on his floor, bathing Tadashi in their golden rays. The sight reminded Tsukishima of the ichor that was said to run through the veins of Greek deities. He couldn’t help but wonder if Yamaguchi was a young god in disguise, walking the earth to live among us mere mortals. 

Yamaguchi was sprawled out on the carpeted floor, his sketchbook and many colored pencils strewn about. Tsukishima couldn’t quite make out what he was drawing but he could tell that Tadashi was putting a lot of effort into it. He smiled, a _small one_ \- but it was full of fondness as he watched Yamaguchi turn his pencil around and erase something, sighing in frustration.

“Yamaguchi,” 

Tadashi’s head popped up and Tsukishima felt his insides melt as the two longest curls on his head bounced with the sudden movement. Yamaguchi tilted his head questioningly.

“I can see you’re obviously frustrated-” Tsukishima ran in tongue across his bottom lip. “-come here and take a break.”

Tsukishima moved over and motioned to the now empty space next to him. Yamaguchi smiled and Tsukishima swears that he could hear a heavenly chorus; he set his sketchbook aside and crawled up next to Tsukishima, curling into his side. Tsukishima felt flames in his chest and ignored the smoke crawling up his throat.

“Wanna listen?” He asked as he untangled his earbuds, he’d only bought them for moments like these.

“Sure!” 

Tsukishima nodded and plugged the cord into his phone, putting an earbud in his ear and the other in Tadashi’s. He felt magma on his fingertips as he pushed a few brown curls out of the way.

He sat back and scrolled through his many Spotify playlists, debating the pros and cons of each one before settling on his favorite, a playlist compiled of lofi music that made him feel warm and safe; ‘for him.’

As he clicked shuffle and the first song began to play, he heard Yamaguchi snort next to him. Tsukishima faced him, confused.

“Took you long enough to choose one!” Yamaguchi giggled and Tsukishima felt like he was on cloud nine.

“Yeah well, I wanted to choose one with songs that I don’t have to skip through.”

Tadashi shrugged. “Fair enough,” He sat up and leaned over Tsukki, reaching for the book he had been reading. Tsukishima held his breath as his eyes followed Yamaguchi’s jawline; if he leaned forward just a bit, if he closed the gap between them, he’d be pressing his lips to Tadashi’s soft skin.

But in an instant, that illusion was shattered as Yamaguchi retreated, nestled against Tsukishima’s side, book in hand. He laid it on Tsukishima’s lap.

“Read to me."

Tsukishima scoffed. “You want me to read a book about fossils to you? You’ll be bored out of your mind and we both know it.”

Yamaguchi smiled sleepily and he laid his head on Tsukishima’s shoulder. The fire in his chest traveled up Tsukishima’s spine. 

“Doesn’t matter to me,” Tadashi mumbled as his fingers traced the threads on Tsukishima’s sweater.

Tsukishima sighed in defeat and picked up the book, flipping back a few pages before settling in. He read slowly and softly, his voice just barely above a whisper; the cadence and tone he had tailored to Tadashi's liking. It didn’t take long before he heard quiet snores coming from beside him.

He smiled softly, _freely_ , and set the book aside. Tsukishima had to crane his neck uncomfortably to gaze at his sleeping friend and he knew he’d be kicking himself tomorrow but he found that he didn’t care. 

Yamaguchi’s curls framed his face just right, and his freckles looked like stars splattered across his cheeks and nose. His mouth hung up slightly, drool pooling onto Tsukishima’s sweater and although he hated to say it, Tsukishima found it adorably endearing. 

_He looks almost immortal,_ Tsukishima thought. He traced Tadashi’s freckles with his fingertips, connecting them like constellations, immortalizing the myths that he could tell of the sleeping boy. _My slumbering god_ … 

“I worship you, Yamaguchi.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, red here.
> 
> i just wanted to write a fluffy chapter, so i hope you all enjoyed this. i've been discovering new words recently and if i find them to be really pretty or if they fit with the overall theme of the chapter, i'll try to include them in the beginning notes. if you have any suggestions, feedback, or general compliments, feel free to comment. 
> 
> with love,  
> red.


	3. a never-ending ache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soliloquy; (n) the act of talking while or as if alone

A hammer pounding in the back of his skull, driving two nails into the base of his neck. That’s how Tsukishima could best describe his ‘Freak Duo Migraine;’ a headache that shows up far too often nowadays.

This one was particularly bad. Hinata was so wound up this morning (where does all of that energy  _ come from _ ?) that while racing Kageyama, the orange haired boy ran into Tsukishima and made him spill his morning coffee all over himself.

Kageyama wasn’t exempt from this either. During practice that day, he would not stop pestering Tsukishima about helping him study his English vocabulary words. Tsukishima did his best to ignore Kageyama’s moaning about his failing grades but he caved immediately when Hinata clambered all over Kageyama and the two were… overly touchy.

“And they just started fully making out while Kageyama made direct eye contact with me!” Tsukishima cried as he wiped the back of his neck with a towel Yachi had handed to him earlier. Yamaguchi cackled beside him, wiping the tears from his eyes as he settled back against the wall.

“Damn,” he sighed. “It’s almost like you’re allergic to love, Tsukki!” Tadashi teased.

Tsukishima rolled his eyes and shrugged. “Maybe I just don’t want to see the process of conception happen right before my eyes.”

Yamaguchi groaned as he laughed again and Tsukishima smirked, cool and neutral while roses bloomed in his stomach, sweet and fresh.

“Ah, Tsukishima?” A voice behind him says.

Tsukishima jumps. He turns and sees Sugawara-san standing behind him, a concerned look in his eyes. 

“Uh, yeah?”

Sugawara looks around for a moment before settling his gaze back on Tsukishima. “What are you doing out here in the cold all by yourself?”

Tsukishima raised a brow. He was used to people overlooking Yamaguchi but to completely and outright ignore him? That didn’t sit right with him.

“I was just getting some air,” he stood up and flipped the towel over his shoulder. “And I wasn’t out here alone.”

Suga’s nose crinkled and he tilted his head; he was confused. Tsukishima sighed and gestured to Yamaguchi, who was still sitting on the frozen ground, his back to the exterior wall of the gym. He gave a small smile and waved.

“Yamaguchi was with me.” Tsukishima said shortly before jogging back inside, leaving behind a thoroughly bewildered Suga. 

“I swear there was no one else beside him.” Sugawara-san muttered.

\---------------

“Tsukishima!” 

He inwardly groaned upon hearing Hinata and Kageyama’s shout behind him. Yamaguchi had somewhere else to be tonight so Tsukishima was walking home alone. Well, he  _ was _ alone until the freakish love birds showed up.

He pulled his headphones down and shot a glare at them as Hinata’s bike sidled up beside him. “ _ What _ ?”

“Oi, no need to be an ass,” Kageyama grumbled. “And, for the record,  _ I _ didn’t want to talk to you either; Hinata was the one that wanted to ask you something.”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes as Hinata slapped Kageyama’s arm and shouted indignant protests. 

“You were curious too!!”

“Oh,  _ whatever _ ,” Tsukishima snapped. “Just hurry up and ask your stupid question so I can go home.” He drew his collar up tightly around his neck.

Hinata stuck out his tongue. “Why did you go outside during the water break today?”

Tsukishima resisted the urge to roll his eyes for the umpteenth time. He also noticed how Hinata didn’t mention Tadashi. Did Yamaguchi not exist to them?

“I wanted to get some fresh air. You two make the gym smell so  _ sickening _ with all your running around that I could hardly breathe.”

Hinata and Kageyama took great offense to the insult and while they squawked incessantly, Tsukishima found himself wishing that Tadashi was there next to him, giggling away. He went to pull his headphones back over his ears.

“Well, I thought I heard you talking to someone out there,” Kageyama said. Tsukishima’s hands stopped, his headphones swung around his neck. That does it; he is  _ tired _ of people overlooking his best friend.

“I was out there with Tadashi.” He growled. Hinata and Kageyama’s mouths hung open. “God, how dense  _ are _ the two of you? Completely overlooking the existence of one of your teammates! Looks like the royal couple is a couple of  _ douchebags _ ; although that doesn’t really surprise me, I knew it was bound to happen eventually.”

Tsukishima turned and walked away fuming. His headphones clapped over his ears and he found himself increasing the volume on his phone, the music wrapping itself around his shaking frame. 

Hinata and Kageyama stood behind him, frozen in shock as they watched Tsukishima’s retreating back. Kageyama grumbled incoherently as he turned around, grabbing Hinata’s hand.

“Kageyama,” Hinata turned to him. Kageyama froze at the intense look in his boyfriend’s eyes- it was something that he could never get used to. 

“Who’s Tadashi?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, red here.
> 
> we're about to come up on some angsty chapters here fellas so grab your tissue boxes :) other than that, i hope you all enjoyed. as always, if you have any suggestions, feedback, or general compliments, feel free to comment.
> 
> with love,  
> red.


	4. butterflies and spiders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> opia; (n) the ambiguous intensity of looking someone in the eye
> 
> (tsukishima's thoughts are italicized)

It’s been nearly a week since Tsukishima blew up at Kageyama and Hinata and he hasn’t spoken a word to either of them since. The whole team can feel the tension swirling in the air and Daichi has had enough of it.

“Tsukishima!” He called out from across the gym. He and Suga stood by the front entrance, and as he jogged over, Tsukishima noticed that Daichi’s jacket was draped around Suga’s shoulders.

“Yeah?”

Suga and Daichi gave each other a look before Daichi drew Tsukishima closer to them. He noticed the soft concern on his senpais faces.

“I don’t know what happened between Kageyama, Hinata, and you- nor do I need to,” His voice dropped, the deadly serious tone made Tsukishima’s stomach fill with spiders. “But I do need to know if it will affect the team’s morale.”

“No,” Tsukishima replied quietly, looking down as he fidgeted with the tape on his fingers. “It was just something that happened between the three of us; I don’t see why it should affect everybody else and their playing conditions.”

Daichi stirred in silence for a moment before clapping a hand on Tsukishima’s shoulder and dragging him down to match his height. His voice was significantly lighter now.

“Just solve it soon, yeah?”

Tsukishima nodded. Daichi smiled at him before returning to practice with Asahi. Before he could follow suit, Tsukishima felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned and saw Suga at his side.

“Is everything alright, Tsukishima?” He asked, brows furrowed in concern. “I mean, aside from the stuff between you, Kageyama and Hinata.”

Tsukishima thought for a moment.  _ No, nothing is alright. I’m tired of you all overlooking Yamaguchi. I don’t think I’ve ever seen any of you utter a single word to him all year and it makes me sick to my stomach. _

“Yes, everything’s fine.”

\---------------

“Holy shit,” Tadashi sat cross legged on his floor, his eyes wide. “Did you actually snap at them like that?”

Tsukishima set his pencil down on his homework and stared at him. The tips of Yamaguchi’s ears turned pink as he quickly averted his gaze to the dinosaur figurines on Tsukishima’s shelves.  _ Cute _ .

“Of course I did, Yamaguchi. I can’t stand to see people overlook you all the time- especially when you’re just so… nice about it.”

Tadashi raised his eyebrows and tilted his head. Butterflies filled Tsukishima’s stomach at his best friend’s disgustingly  _ adorable _ expression.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He cleared his throat. “I- well… it’s just that for some reason-” Tsukishima thought carefully for a moment. “When people ignore you, you’re totally okay with it. I think you deserve to be acknowledged, y’know…” he stared at his paper as his voice dropped to an almost indecipherable mumble. “considering how hardworking you are.”

A rosy blush spread across Tadashi’s face as he ducked his head and stared at his lap, biting his lip in an attempt to contain his excitement. It wasn’t often that Tsukishima gave out straight up praise and he was well aware of it.

“You’re allowed to smile, Tadashi.”

Yamaguchi looked up and saw Tsukishima staring at him, deadly serious, a ghost of a smile on his lips. They stared at each other for a moment before he busted out laughing, much to the surprise of a very bewildered Tadashi.

“Am- am I seeing this right? Am I watching  _ the _ Tsukishima Kei genuinely  _ laugh _ ?”

Tsukishima shoved a giggling Yamaguchi to the floor, hiding . “Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

Tadashi stood up and went to the door, before turning around with a sly grin on his face. “Sorry Tsukki- I’ll be right back, yeah?”

Tsukishima nodded and gave a thumbs up. He heard the door open and close behind him gently. It opened again a few seconds later.

“That was fast,” he said, turning over his shoulder. The euphoria of hearing Tadashi’s laugh quickly died in him when he saw that it was just his mother.

“Kei,” she said gently. “What were you laughing at up here?”

“Ah,” Tsukishima turned back around and waved his hand dismissively. “It was nothing, just a joke between Yamaguchi and I.”

And although Tsukishima couldn’t see it, his mother’s face suddenly aged. She smiled wearily, but tears were threatening to spill over; she’d cry a river, if only her son knew why.

“Oh,” she paused and looked around his room before her eyes landed on the spot where Tadashi had been sitting and did her best to blink away her tears.

“Alright then, hon. Let me know if you need anything.”

Tsukishima nodded, and he heard his door shut again. He pulled his headphones over his ears and continued working on his homework; too absorbed in the problems to notice the quiet sobs coming from his parents bedroom down the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, red here.
> 
> hope you all enjoyed this chapter! i apologize for it being up a little later than i had anticipated, i had some technological issues which have since been sorted :) i hope you guys didn't have a hard time deciphering who was speaking, i understand that the way i write dialogue can be a little confusing lol. anyways, don't forget that if you have any suggestions, feedback, or general compliments, feel free to comment.
> 
> with love,  
> red.


	5. thunderstorms and lavender sheets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cingulomania; (v) a strong desire to hold a person in your arms
> 
> (the spotify playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/61ZprBBtZUB06bJnZdW5gi)

“Oi,” a familiar voice says near Tsukishima’s shoulder.

He glances to his right and sees Kageyama. He rolls his eyes and tosses his bag over his shoulder before turning to leave.

“Hey  _ asshole _ ,” Kageyama grabs his wrist. “I’m trying to talk to you.”

Tsukishima shakes off Kageyama’s hand, a disgusted look on his face. “We’re not at practice yet,” he says flatly. “And I really don’t want to talk to  _ you _ right now; so, if you’ll excuse me,” He turns away, flexing his wrist. “I’ll be going now.”

“Whatever,” Kageyama huffed behind him. “Was going to apologize about last week, but I guess you don’t want to hear it.”

Sighing, Kei stopped and turned back over his shoulder. “I’m listening…”

Kageyama stiffened. He rubbed the back of his neck as he looked askance, mumbling incoherently. Tsukishima rolled his eyes before crossing his arms. 

“I’ll let you think about your apology while  _ I _ go to practice,” he said before walking away. He turned back. “You can always apologize while walking  _ with _ me, y’know?”

Kageyama muttered something about being an asshole but still jogged to meet up with him. He swung his bag over his shoulder and even though they were feuding, the two came to an agreement that Hinata was  _ extra _ annoying today.

Eventually they reached the gym, the squeaking of sneakers on the hardwood could be heard before Tsukishima even reached for the door.

Kageyama turned to him. “Listen, I apologize for how I acted last week. I-” 

Tsukishima blinked, masking his amusement as Kageyama struggled to own up to his mistake. 

“I was wrong.” Kageyama hung his head.

“Okay then.” Tsukishima said and walked into the gym, leaving a sputtering Kageyama standing behind him.

\------------

“Tsukki~!” A voice that dripped honey purred behind him. Tsukishima turned around and smiled at Yamaguchi, who had draped himself over Tsukishima’s bed, buried under the blue duvet. 

“Yes, Tadashi?”

Yamaguchi simply pointed to his ears and pouted. Tsukishima sighed and bit back a laugh. He pulled his headphones up from around his neck and gently put them over his friend’s ears. His fingers burned hot with magma as they brushed against Yamaguchi’s earlobe. 

“Which playlist do you want tonight?” 

Yamaguchi’s nose scrunched up as thought for a moment and Tsukishima felt the butterflies in his stomach, only this time they were flying up and into his throat. He swallowed, praying that he didn’t choke on their wings.

“I wanna listen to ‘thunderstorms and lavender sheets,’” Yamaguchi said, burrowing farther into Tsukishima’s bedding. Tsukishima was annoyed at how utterly adorable he looked. 

“Alright,” He said. He scrolled and clicked shuffle before crawling into bed beside his best friend, making sure to put some distance between them.

“Thank you Tsukki,” Tadashi yawned. “You’re the best, y’know that, right?”

Tsukishima smiled softly. Tadashi’s hair was a mess, the sweeping curls falling into his deep brown eyes. His lips were parted slightly and Tsukishima could feel his soft exhales on the tip of his nose. He wanted to wrap his arms around Yamaguchi and pull him into his chest as their hearts slowed to beat together in sync; the way they have been since middle school.

“Okay.” Kei said simply. He said ‘okay’ rather than the million other things that were dancing on his tongue: you look adorable, you’re amazing, I want you to be mine;  _ I love you _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, red here.
> 
> my sincerest apologies for this very late update, i had some personal matters to attend to which kept me away from writing. nevermind all that, what i want to know is what you all think so far! please, don't be afraid to leave any suggestions, feedback, or general compliments in the comments.
> 
> with love,  
> red.


	6. if only i could

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jayus; (n) a joke so unfunny and poorly told that you can't help but laugh

Tsukishima woke up the next morning to an empty bed, the spot where Yamaguchi had been laying was cold. He must have been gone a while then.

Kei sat up and patted around for his glasses, finding them buried deep within the confines of his comforter. He put them on and gazed around his room, noticing that his phone was charging on his nightstand and his headphones were wrapped neatly on his desk. 

He threw back the covers and stood up, stretching before sliding on a pair of slippers and going downstairs to greet his mother. 

\-------------

“Morning mom,” he said as he walked into the kitchen. She was standing at the sink, rinsing out a bowl. She was humming some old lullaby, the lilting tune stirring up nostalgia somewhere in the back of Kei’s mind.

“You fell asleep with your headphones plugged in again, honey,” she said as she dried her hands on her apron. “I came in this morning and had to untangle the cord and put your phone on the charger.” 

Tsukishima looked aside, it was far too early to deal with this lecture, even if it was a small one. He was also, although he’d never admit it, a little disappointed to find out that it wasn’t Yamaguchi’s doing.

“You know how we feel about you falling asleep with your headphones on, dear,” his mother continued. “It could mess up your hearing, and we wouldn’t want that to happen now, would we?”

Kei hummed and shook his head. “I’ll remember to put it away before I go to bed next time.”

His mom nodded, seeming to approve. He waited for her to ask about Yamaguchi being in his room but the question never came. Tsukishima figured that Tadashi must’ve left before his mother came in that morning.

“Since it’s Saturday, and practice isn’t till later, is it alright if I go hang out with Yamaguchi?”

His mother tensed. She chewed on her lip as she watered the plants that sat on their dining room table. Water sloshed over the sides of the pot and began their little race to the edge of the wood.

“Shit,” she muttered as she rushed to find a hand towel. “Ah, yes that’s fine, as long as you make it to practice on time.”

Tsukishima nodded and left to go get dressed, leaving his mother to tend to the over spilled water.

Once Kei’s footsteps disappeared up the stairs and she was sure she heard his door shut, Tsukishima’s mother sat herself down in a chair at the end of the table and wept.

\-----------

Tsukishima shoved his hands into his pockets as his eyes searched the park for Tadashi. He spotted him waving from beneath their favorite tree, and even though its cherry blossoms were long gone, replaced with wiry limbs and dead branches, the blossoms Kei felt in his stomach were anything but.

“Good morning, Tsukki!” Tadashi shouted excitedly as he approached the tree. 

“Please, Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima said. “Not so loud.”

Tadashi smiled sheepishly as he apologized. Tsukishima rolled his eyes and gestured for the two to walk their path, while the blossoms inside him only grew. Perhaps it was a little selfish, one could even argue narcissistic, of him to relish in Tadashi’s songs of praise and gifts of apologies. 

“Ready for practice later?” Yamaguchi asked, the cold vaporizing his breath. It smelled warm, like apple pie and a million hugs. 

Tsukishima sighed. “Yeah, I suppose. Could we talk about something that isn’t volleyball? I get enough of that conversation with Kageyama and Hinata, that’s all they talk about.”

Tadashi giggled at his side before looking up at him. “What do you mean? That’s all they  _ can _ talk about, Tsukki! It’s the only thing they know!”

Tsukishima laughed with him, making sure to keep his quieter than Yamaguchi’s. He wasn’t embarrassed of his laugh so to speak, but he loved his best friend’s. Tsukishima was certain that Tadashi’s laugh could cure even the most persistent of diseases. He’d like to laugh with Yamaguchi for the rest of his life.

But to any passerby, they would only see a tall, thin boy with blonde hair and thick black frames walking through a park, laughing to no one but the dead trees and dirty gray snow that surrounded him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, red here.
> 
> boom! two chapters in a day!! did i surprise you? i felt like y'all deserved a little something nice since i sort of left you hanging for a little over a week there. however, there will be a flood of angst in the next coming chapters so please move forward at your own discretion <3\. as always, if you have any suggestions, feedback, or general compliments, feel free to comment.
> 
> with love,  
> red.


	7. to pull the white sheet from your head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> toska; (n) a dull ache of the soul, a sick pining, a spiritual anguish

“I’m home,” Tsukishima said as he sat to untie his laces, gently setting his bag down on the floor beside him. 

“Oh, hey bro,” a familiar voice said behind him. Kei kicked his shoes off and turned around, nodding to greet his brother. He grabbed his bag and hoisted it over his shoulder as he stood to his full height, relieved to see that he was still taller than Akiteru.

“Why are you here?” He asked, suspicious. Akiteru’s uni wasn’t on any sort of break and Tsukishima was sure that he didn’t have any vacation days to use from his job in Sendai. 

“Listen, Kei…” his brother said softly, but his tone was firm. “Mom called me and well- we need to have a family meeting. She’s in the dining room.”

Tsukishima felt the spiders in his ribcage. Did something happen? He and Akiteru walked to the dining room together, and Kei felt the spider grow. His mom was sitting at the end of the table and she looked a mess. Her eyes were red and puffy like she’d been crying and there were dark circles under her eyes, but what struck Tsukishima was just how  _ aged  _ she looked.

“Mom?” Kei asked and she smiled tiredly.

“Hey, honey. We need to have a talk. It’s about-” She took a deep breath and blinked hard. “It’s about you and Tadashi.”

Tsukishima’s heart stopped as the spiders crawled their way up his chest. Did his mother find out about his feelings towards Tadashi? Did she not support it? She’d always seemed supportive of the LGBTQ+ community but now that he thought about it maybe-

“How about you sit down? You too, Akiteru.” His mother nudged a chair towards him. Kei pulled it out and sat down wordlessly, still in his own little world of panic. Akiteru followed suit, his eyes full of concern as he gazed at his little brother.

“Listen to me, Kei,” His mother’s voice cut through the panic. “There’s no easy way to say this other than to just come out and say this but-”

“I’m gay.”

His mother just blinked. Tsukishima willed the spiders in his chest to stop crawling around as he continued.

“That’s what you wanted to talk to me about right? I have feelings for Tadashi, I have for a while now. I don’t know how you’ll react but you’ve always seemed supportive so I never said anything but if you don’t support me I will move out right now and-”

He was rambling now. And Tsukishima Kei  _ never _ rambled. He only stopped when he saw tears welling up in his mother’s eyes and she sniffled.

“That’s- no, that’s not it, dear.”

The spiders were back. Only this time they were suffocating him, wrapping their spindly legs around his lungs and squeezing, their tiny little bodies robbing Tsukishima of his air.

“Kei…” He heard his brother say from the other end of the table. Tsukishima glanced at him. “Tadashi- I mean, Yamaguchi… he’s dead, Kei.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, red here.
> 
> wow, what a bomb to drop, huh? though, i'm sure that some of you guys figured it out or had some vague idea of what was going on! i apologize for this chapter being a little shorter than usual, but don't worry because the next couple are going to be full of angst and drama heheh. as always, if you have any feedback, suggestions, or general compliments, feel free to leave a comment.
> 
> with love, red.


	8. a twisted puzzle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lacuna; (n) a blank space, a missing part
> 
> (TW: SUICIDE MENTION)

“This is some kind of fucked up joke, isn’t it?” Tsukishima asked, looking between the two. His mother and brother looked away from him, his mom fidgeted with her hands as Akiteru trained his eyes on a spot on the ceiling. “Isn’t it?” Kei’s voice broke.

Silence.

“That doesn’t even make sense. I’ve been seeing him everyday, hell, we still hang out in my room after school! How could he be…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it. 

Tsukishima didn’t realize his hands were shaking until he felt the familiar coolness of his mother’s fingers as she gently rested her hand on top of his trembling ones. He swallowed.

“Yamaguchi… he died about two weeks before you two started high school. Um…” Her eyes filled with tears again. The next thing out of her mouth was barely a whisper. “He committed.”

More silence as Tsukishima’s thoughts raced a million miles an hour. It came back to him in small fragments. Tadashi becoming withdrawn and Tsukishima never noticing. How he woke up one morning to a missed phone call and a final voicemail. How he failed to save his best friend.

And suddenly, it all clicked, like a horribly wrong puzzle piece, something clicked in Kei’s brain. 

“Are you saying that I’ve been  _ hallucinating _ Yamaguchi?!”

His mother burst into tears and Akiteru’s head shot up as he watched on, at a loss for what to do. Tsukishima stood up, his chair skidding backwards. He stumbled backwards, nearly tripping over his own feet.

“Mom set up a meeting with a psychologist,” Akiteru said dryly. “I’ll be taking you. It’s in a few hours so-” He swallowed and continued on. “-we probably won’t get home till late.”

Tsukishima couldn’t do anything but nod. The spiders in his chest have subsided for clouds in his mind. He heard two chairs scratch across the floor. He felt four arms wrap around him. He saw the blurry outlines of his mother and brother as they walked to the den together.

“I’m gonna… go to my room. Call me down when we have to leave.”

\-------------

Tsukishima lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling above him. He heard his phone buzz somewhere nearby, the cold blue light illuminating a small spot in the corner while the rest of his room sat in the dark.

He went through everything in his head. The way nobody would acknowledge Tadashi during practice, how he would just disappear for a few moments in between breaks, how Kageyama and Hinata thought he was talking to himself. Tsukishima supposed that he was.

“Whatcha thinking about Tsukki?”

Kei jumped and looked at the end of his bed. There he was, Tsukishima’s soulmate, sitting cross legged and wide eyed, tilting his head in Kei’s favorite manner. But he wasn’t  _ really _ there.

“Tsukki?” Tadashi’s voice was small.

“No,” Tsukishima sat up and buried his head in his knees, clamping his hands firmly over his ears. “No, you’re not real.”

“What?” Tsukki, of course I’m real. What are you talking about?”

The spiders were back. They ran up and down his ribcage as they laid their eggs in his lungs and he couldn’t breathe again.

“Yamaguchi, you  _ died _ . You’re dead and it’s all my fault.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, red here.
> 
> so... how are we feeling? boatload of angst here, amiright? i do hope that you guys stick around for this fic because there's a sort of... bittersweet ending to it, i suppose? if you have any suggestions, feedback, or general compliments, feel free to leave a comment. i especially want to hear your thoughts after THIS chapter >:)
> 
> with love,  
> red.


	9. oxygenated memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> la douler exquise; (n) the heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable

His therapist was a nice woman, objectively. She went over the basics of patient confidentiality and what Kei’s mother had told her and then sat back and let Tsukishima take over, asking for everything he could remember about Tadashi.

But what Tsukishima didn’t like was how she would look at him pitifully, her eyes drooping like a sad elephant. Or how she would stir her coffee counterclockwise instead of clockwise. The fact that she was drinking coffee at 8pm was enough to put Kei off.

He came home with a prescription for prozac and aripiprazole and a growing headache. Akiteru offered to pick up the drugs the next morning when the pharmacy opened. Tsukishima really couldn’t object either way.

He was sitting on the floor now with Yamaguchi across from him. His best friend. His sweet, funny, ethereally gorgeous best friend was just an extreme manifestation of his grief. That’s what his therapist said anyway.

“I know that you’re just a hallucination, Tadashi.”

Yamaguchi was silent for a few moments. “But I don’t- I don’t  _ feel _ like a product of your brain.”

Tsukishima laughed. It sounded almost mechanical, rusted and broken with no hope of ever being fixed.

“I’m going to be taking meds,” He mumbled, picking at the carpet in front of him. “Y’know, to help with the uh-”

“Visions.” Yamaguchi finished flatly.

“Yeah.”

The pair sat in tense silence for a few minutes. It felt like the air around them held everything they’d ever gone through together. Both before Tadashi… and after.

Suddenly, Tadashi grabbed Tsukishima’s hand and looped their fingers together. He looked Tsukishima in the eye and the tips of Kei’s ears grew hot at the rare sight of the fiercely determined glint.

“Can I just ask you one thing?”

Tsukishima swallowed and nodded.

Tadashi drew in a deep breath and shakily exhaled as he broke eye contact, gazing at Tsukishima’s long fingers as his thumb ran over the back of Yamaguchi’s hand.

“When- when the medicine starts to work, that means I’ll be gone right?”

Tsukishima’s throat closed up. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. He nodded and blinked back the tears that threatened to spill over.

“Will… will you miss me at all, Tsukki?”

Tsukishima’s breath hitched. Was Yamaguchi stupid? Before he knew what he was doing, Tsukishima’s other hand was cupping Tadashi’s face as he gently pressed a kiss to his soft lips.

He sat back. “I hope that answers your question, Yamaguchi.”

Tadashi nodded, a little dazed. There were tears running down his cheeks.

“This is fucking insane,” Tsukishima ran a hand over his face. “ _ I’m _ fucking insane- kissing a product of my imagination.”

“No, you’re not Tsukki.” Yamaguchi said quietly.

Tsukishima smiled.  _ Just like always, Yamaguchi- you know exactly what to say. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, red here.
> 
> three angsty chapters in one day, with a little bit of added bonus fluff, woooo!! i genuinely cannot believe all of the love this little story of mine is getting and if i'm being totally honest, i expected to give up on this a few chapters ago. but all of your nice comments (i really appreciate them!) and the kudos, as well as the crushing expectations that you all have is what's been keeping me here; and for that, i thank you. as always my friends, if you have any suggestions, feedback, or general compliments, feel free to leave a comment.
> 
> with love,  
> red.


	10. the void

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yonderly; (adj) mentally or emotionally distant, absentminded

Tsukishima laid on his bed, his eyes staring blankly at his cream ceiling. His blinds were drawn shut- they had been for days; ever since he was given his meds and Yamaguchi disappeared.

He hadn’t been to school for a couple weeks. His brother would pick up his work and bring it home, setting it on Tsukishima’s desk. He hadn’t touched it, so it sat in a pile, looming over his laptop and dinosaur mug that held his pencils. Tadashi had given him that mug in middle school for his twelfth birthday.

Kei ran his hands over his face and groaned. He felt… empty. Like a black hole sucked everything out of him, leaving behind a large, cavernous abyss in the space between his ribs. Not even the spiders could crawl around inside him anymore.

He heard a small knock on his door before it creaked open. 

”How’re you feeling bud?” Akiteru poked his head in. Tsukishima felt the end of his bed dip as his brother sat down, fidgeting with a loose string on his sleeve. Tsukishima glared at him.

“Kill everything dear to you and then you’ll know how it feels.” He spat bitterly. 

“You know that you have to do this, don’t you? You need to move on,” Tsukishima recoiled as Akiteru gently placed a hand on his leg.

He rolled over and squeezed his eyes shut- anything to get away from his brother and the disgusting pitiful look in his gaze.

“Yeah well, it doesn’t make it any easier.”

\--------------

The school and all his teachers were notified of his condition so when Tsukishima returned after three weeks, the staff walked on eggshells around him. When he showed up to volleyball practice, Ukai took him aside and asked if he was alright. All Tsukishima could do was smile and nod, explaining that he was taking medicines that wouldn’t hinder his performance on the court.

Takeda had told Daichi and Suga of his situation, and while Tsukishima felt an overwhelming wave of shame; he couldn’t help but feel a little glad that two people his age were aware of what was going on. 

He was, though he would never admit it, incredibly glad for the freak duo. Hinata and Kageyama hounded him for skipping for three weeks but after Suga told them off, ( _ it was a family emergency, you knuckleheads! _ ), they treated him like normal.

But Tsukishima knew that everybody else could tell that something was off with him. He wasn’t jumping high enough to block and every single one of his receives was absolute shit. Nishinoya and Tanaka almost went off on him but a glare from Daichi shut them up.

Kei knew that he’d have to tell the team eventually. He knew that he’d have to go over everything that happened before high school, when Yamaguchi decided that life wasn’t worth it, and when Kei was at the lowest of the low that his brain just decided to shut it all out.

It was going to be mentally taxing, certainly. He figured that he’d probably cry while telling everyone what happened. Tsukishima was not good with vulnerability but he also knew that he didn’t want to break down in front of his teammates. But it was inevitable. He needed to provide a reason for his less than average performance.

“Ah, coach?” He asked, fidgeting with his fingers.

Ukai’s head turned lightning fast at the sound of his voice. His eyes clouded over with concern and the unlit cigarette in between his teeth bobbed.

“What’s up, kid?”

Tsukishima looked at the floor. “Do you mind letting me speak at the end of practice sometime? I’d-” he paused and sighed. “I’d like to tell the team about my- situation… eventually.”

Ukai relaxed but his shoulders were still tense. “Are you sure you’re ready for that, kid? I mean, you were only diagnosed three weeks ago and I’m sure it’s not easy and-”

“I have to.” Tsukishima said firmly. Ukai stopped his babbling and looked at him wide eyed. “I have to explain why I was gone and why my performance has been all kinds of screwed up, but I want to wait a bit.”

His coach softened in the way he did only for Takeda, and nodded. He put a gentle hand on Kei’s shoulder and said, “Of course, kiddo. Whenever you’re ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, red here.
> 
> some more angst to top it all off for you guys (please don't hate me lmao). in case you didn't notice, i added the total number of chapters, 13! the last chapter is actually a letter from me to you, the story itself ends at chapter 12. maybe i did that on purpose because it also happens to be the jersey number of a certain pinch server ;). i hope that you all enjoyed, if you have any suggestions, feedback, or general compliments, don't forget to leave a comment!!
> 
> with love,  
> red.


	11. silent witnesses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apotelesma; (n) the influence that stars have over human destiny

It’s been two weeks since Tsukishima asked Ukai if he could tell the team about his diagnosis. He hadn’t found the courage to do it yet. He was the last to get ready for practice today. Or so he thought.

“Tsukki…”

He whirled around, holding back tears as his voice shook. “Tadashi?”

Sugawara looked up at him, a strange mixture of concern and pity swirling in his brown eyes.

“Oh.” Tsukishima felt a lump in the back of his throat. “Please don’t- do  _ not _ call me that.”

Suga nodded. “My apologies,” his voice dropped to a whisper. “Did you take your meds today?”

Tsukishima turned back to digging around in his gym bag. All he could do was nod, afraid of what would happen if he spoke again; would his voice give away just how  _ broken _ he sounded?

He tense as he felt a soft grip on his shoulder. It was firm and comforting. 

“You can tell the team whenever you’re ready.” Suga murmured. And then he was gone, the door gently shutting behind him.

\--------------

“That’s all I have for today,” Takeda finished. He looked to Ukai for anything else to add. He simply crossed his arms and shook his head.

Tsukishima stood up. Everyone looked at him confused as he nodded to his coach. Ukai looked at him with wide eyes before waving him up.

Tsukishima felt the spiders for the first time in weeks. It was oddly comforting, to say the least. He cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses.

“As I’m sure you’re all aware, I missed school and practice for three weeks. This was because I…” He trailed off. Now his heart was racing and Tsukishima realized that he didn’t know how to describe what was going on.

He felt a hand squeeze his and he looked down. It felt like Tadashi’s, all rough palms and soft fingertips. But when he looked up, all he saw was his coach nodding to him encouragingly. He cleared his throat again and continued.

“To put it simply, I’ve been hallucinating.”

His teammates blinked at him. Daichi and Suga watched with pride and quiet concern as Tsukishima pushed onwards.

“Before coming here, in middle school, my best friend’s name was Yamaguchi Tadashi,” He stopped and looked at Hinata and Kageyama, who’d exchanged a surprised glance. “We were both going to come to Karasuno for high school. But, two weeks before school started- Tadashi… he felt that um…” 

Tsukishima started fidgeting with the zipper on his jacket and swallowed the spiders that had crawled up his throat. 

“Tadashi felt that life wasn’t worth living. So he- he killed himself. And, before he… did it- he called me. I was sleeping and missed his call,” He blinked back tears but they just reappeared. “I woke up to a voicemail and a dead best friend.”

The silence in the gym was suffocating. The spiders were gone, replaced with something unfamiliar. 

“But, I don’t understand, Tsukishima,” Hinata’s voice called out. “How does that relate to you hallucinating?” Kageyama nodded next to him.

“Ah well,” Tsukishima shuffled his feet. “My therapist thinks that I was so caught up in my grief and self-hatred that to cope with Yamaguchi’s death, my brain began hallucinating that he was still alive, and replaced his death with blank spaces.”

More silence as his team took in what he just told them before Takeda spoke. 

“That was very brave of you to trust us with this, Tsukishima.”

Tsukishima just nodded. “One more thing, I am taking medication. I’ve already told Coach this but they won’t affect my performance- so calm down you two.”

Hinata and Kageyama huffed and sat back. Tsukishima smirked but it didn’t feel the same. Takeda and Ukai dispersed the group and everyone paid Kei their condolences before walking to the clubroom. Hinata and Kageyama were strangely quiet on their way out.

\-------------

Tsukishima was walking home alone. Even though he'd been doing it for a little over a month, he still wasn’t used to it. Kageyama materialized next to him. 

“Hey, asshole.”

Tsukishima flinched. “Please, don’t talk to me right now… that was very emotionally taxing.”

Kageyama stared for a moment. “Yeah i know. Just wanted to let you know that,” He stared at his feet as he rocked back and forth. “I'm here for you… or whatever” He mumbled.

“Oh. Thank you.”

Kageyama nodded, turned around and jogged off, throwing a wave over his shoulder. Tsukishima turned, put his headphones over his ears and jammed his hands into his pockets. He smiled softly as his now favorite playlist, ‘thunderstorms and lavender sheets’ played.

“It almost feels like you’re here, Tadashi.” He murmured.

Suddenly, a pair of small, thin arms wrapped around his waist. Tsukishima stiffened and twisted to get a look at who had the audacity to hug him. He was surprised to see a head of orange curls and intense brown eyes staring up at him.

“It’s okay, Tsukishima,” Hinata muttered.

“Whatever.” 

Hinata hung onto his waist. Tsukishima sighed. “I just- I feel like a part of me died now that he’s gone...” his thin frame shook and the walls he’d worked so hard to keep up crumbled all at once.

Hinata just held on, squeezing him gently every once in a while, a small reminder that he was there. 

Finally, Tsukishima straightened up and turned around. Hinata jumped backwards, arms raised defensively. Tsukishima adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat.

“Don’t- don’t tell anyone about this.”

“Aye aye, cap’n.” Hinata saluted before turning away and jogging off in the same direction that Kageyama did. Tsukishima figured that they planned it, he could see the raven haired boy waiting for Hinata down the street.

He put his headphones back on and walked home. The tears didn’t stop and at this point, he was too exhausted to even bother trying to hold them back. The only witnesses to the vulnerable blonde were the twinkling stars and crescent moon above.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, red here.
> 
> hinata and kageyama comforting a vulnerable tsukishima? me thinks yes ;P. anywho, how are we doing? the last proper chapter update is coming tomorrow, be prepared to cry <3!!! even if it is the end, don't forget if you have any suggestions, feedback, or general compliments, feel free to comment.
> 
> with love,  
> red.


	12. i am found with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rasion d'être; (n) a reason for existing

The first time Tsukishima visited Tadashi’s grave, he was disgusted to see that there was grime and weeds covering Yamaguchi’s name and the flowers that had once laid there were now dead. He spent the whole afternoon tidying it up, and incorporated it into his daily walk. He replaced the flowers twice a week and wiped it down once a month.

Now, it’s been two years since Yamaguchi’s passing and Tsukishima was graduating. He never found someone to replace the Tadashi shaped hole in his heart but volleyball was his saving grace. He became Karasuno’s captain, leading them to place third in nationals; just what Yamaguchi would’ve wanted.

Kageyama and Hinata had been pushing him to join the big leagues with them but Tsukishima had another career in mind. He was going to go to university for psychology; he wanted to become a therapist, to prevent other teenagers from becoming a Tadashi to some other Tsukishima.

Before he left Miyagi, Tsukishima stopped by the cemetery to visit Yamaguchi one last time. He knelt to his knees and placed a hand on Tadashi’s headstone.

“Yamaguchi… I was lost,” his voice broke. “I was so lost.”

And although Tsukishima couldn’t see it, Yamaguchi was kneeling in front of him. He held a hand out, gently cupping Tsukishima’s cheek. The blonde seemed to lean into the invisible touch and Tadashi looked down at the love of his life, his tears blurring Tsukishima’s sharp features.

“But- but then I met you and-” Kei’s voice dissolved as he broke down into a sobbing mess. He pressed a soft kiss to the cool stone. A parting gift as he whispered a final goodbye.

“ _ I am found with you, Tadashi _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, red here.
> 
> hope you're all okay after this. the next chapter is a letter from me :)
> 
> with love,  
> red.


	13. a letter from the author

Dear readers,

Here we are, at the end! When this letter, along with the final chapter, are uploaded, it will be August 9th, exactly one month since I published the first chapter of ‘oneirataxia.’ How are you feeling? Hope I didn’t hurt you too badly!! If I did, I’m sure you will recover… eventually ;)

When I started this story, I never expected to finish it. It was just a silly little idea that stemmed from a 1am rant to my twitter groupchat. But as I sat at my desk, in my too small chair, my shoulders aching from sitting hunched over for so long, I watched the words come alive. I watched as you, my audience, took my story and held it close to your heart. I watched the kudos grow, the number of hits steadily rise, and as comments slowly came in, I realized something that sort of blew my mind; you all were _enjoying it_. 

I hope this story taught you all that you are not alone. You are loved and cherished by the people in your life; and if you feel that it is still not true, let me be the one to love and cherish you. I know that you are enough for me, you and your beautiful eyes that read my words, and your incredible mind that interpret them. I just hope that I can be enough for you.

I am currently working on another Haikyuu fic. I cannot guarantee a happy ending though, so I am sorry about that. (But not that sorry)

I hope to see you all again soon.

Much Love,

red.


End file.
